I banged the pot down a little harder than necessary and shoved the drawer shut with force. This newly married wife was struggling just a bit with the unfair workload, and I’d always heard you couldn’t change your husband.
We were both working full time, but when I came home, somehow I was doing all the cooking and cleaning and he was . . . well watching TV.
I didn’t want to start us to arguing already, less than a month married, and yet, what could I do?
I cried out in frustration, ‘God if it’s my problem show me, and if it’s his problem show him.”
A week later he came home, into the kitchen and apologised for dumping the workload on me. A wave of conviction had washed over him at work.
(Change your husband? Only God can, and us partner with Him through prayer; change me too!)
We’ve tried to share the workload more equally since, though not perfectly, and I’ve shared this story over and over with others. And I’ve prayed this prayer over and over, about many things.
God loves this prayer though, and I’m sure that’s why He gave it to me. I wasn’t clever enough to think of it in the heat of my frustration. It’s humbling ourselves, and God gives grace to the humble. It’s also giving God permission to come in and teach us something and work in our own lives, along with the life of the person we are praying for.
God doesn’t always just fix the immediate problem, He does a deeper work in me too. He shows me why the situation is annoying me so much, which can lead to talking about deeper issues with my husband.
While I am waiting for God to move on the issue at hand, it’s important not to be whinging about the current situation, but to be focusing on who God has called my husband to be. As women, we are very relational and can spend a lot of time thinking about our families and where we want them to go, and yet at the same time, tear our own homes down with our words.
We absolutely need to get God’s vision, because we can’t change our husbands, but God can, and when we start partnering with Him, miracles happen. This is easy to say, but how do we practically do that? I’ve written about this over at young-wives.com
These are the two prayer strategies I live by, and I hope that they fill you with God’s hope for the impossible, whether that’s God being able to change your husband or in a relationship with a child.
(Disclaimer: I am not a marriage counsellor, and I am not saying that anyone should be staying in a relationship that is violent or harmful. If that is your situation, you need to seek Godly counsel specific to you)